Archive for March, 2010

More mountains

Sometimes it would be nice to get a phase in life where it is a hot sandy beach, complete with waiter who brings you drinks with the wave of a flag. Right now it is mountains and the said climbing of such structures, of course purely in the metaphorical way.

My writing this past week or two has been a bit slow. This is in part to my health getting in the way. It is hard to type when your wrist is sprained! Also there has been such issues of housework! I allocate in my daily schedule time to do things like sweep the floor, change washing over etc but as my husband has decided to change room structure / paint the kitchen work units / play DIY demon, I have been left with extra clearing up to do! It probably would not take someone without my issues very long, but with me it takes a while!  However my time has not been spent in vane. I have been researching and cross referencing.

It has not been all easy going.  I have had to climb a few of those metaphorical mountains.  I collapsed outside the school (again) this time it set shock waves through my daughters friends, and her teachers.  My daughter asked me not to collapse at the school again, because she then worries whether I am OK! So we decided to put a different scheme into place. I sit in the car at picking up time, and my daughter comes to the car with her brother.  This is a great responsibility for her, which she seems to be enjoying.  Also my husband now takes them to breakfast club on his way to work. This has had quite an effect on me, it felt like I was failing them as a mother. I felt that if I could not do simple things like this I was a poor mum indeed. I only wallowed in self misery for a few hours! I had some lovely messages on forums and phone calls from people.

There is another downside I am also having to deal with, and I will admit this is proving a fairly big mountain to concur. I now feel even more socially isolated than I already do here. My husband is having to go away this weekend to work in the outer Hebrides for a week. Unfortunately it is part of his contract here, as much as this proves very difficult for me. However the major effect this has, is that I am feeling even more isolated than before.  I can’t go out shopping. I can’t take the kids to the beach. I can’t even take them to the play centre. I feel very very lonely. If it is not for the lovely people I know on-line I am sure it would be worse.  I am worried that there is no one around to help if I have to go to the hospital for any reason.

I am also facing another mountain to climb after this one. I know there is a possibility with my husbands job that we might be moving within 18 months. How am I going to make friends when I collapse. People already tend to treat me with caution. How am I going to make friend in a new place? One way around this might be the use of a motorised wheelchair. I am not certain whether this will even be suitable around here, it is all hills! Also I would need a special hoist for the car.

All I know is I am finding this hard. I am lonely and this is really quite a big thing for me. However I will get there, some how.


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